Oh Japan
by randomfandomboredom
Summary: (Ameripan) Japan have quite a dirty mind, after all the r18 doujinshis must have come from somewhere. America is quite determined to find out more about Modern Japan. (Contains GerIta, Spamano).
1. chapter 1

_Heya, author here. I came up with this at 11pm after around the same incident happened to me. Except it involved my parents and me laughing because of what I thought. My cousins were mortified._

"So… I can have the beef?" China asked, the wooden chopsticks poising above Italy's soup bowl, the items lying in the middle. Italy nodded and replied, "Sure, besides, I can just eat Germany's meat, it tastes better. Espicially his wurst!" Italy, coincidentally seated on the right side of Germany, flashed an innocent grin.

Japan, who was quietly eating, heard the conversation. His eyes widened and his cheeks started to blush. Oh shit, his mind is perverted. Quite perverted. Extremely perverted. So perverted that his mind could twist an innocent sentence into something that… makes a r18 scene in a common doujinshi. He could imagine it. Italy will be under the table giving Germany a…

Oh no he's thinking about the scene with small details now. He could feel his cheeks heating up even more.

Hong Kong noticed this and got the general idea of what happened. He smirked, "I didn't expect you to be that dirty Kiku." Japan started to choke on his rice, coughing excessively. Italy noticed this and waved his right hand around. He worriedly asked, "Nihon, are you okay? Your face is really red!" Hong Kong slyly commented, "I think he's choking on the meat, the same type of meat that Italy didn't want because he had Germany's meat~"

Japan used his right hand to pound on his chest hardly. Italy tilted his head in puzzlement.

America, who was seated next to Hong Kong had a look of confusion before relization dawned onto him. America whispered something into Hong Kong's ear and the Chinese nation nodded. America smiled widely and wiggled his finger, "Naughty naughty Japan. Tut tut tut."

It didn't seem possible to America but Japan's cheeks grew even darker. The brown-eyed nation protested, "It's not my fault that Italy-kun's sentence was so suggestive." America just sat there, wiggling his eyebrows teasingly, while Hong Kong was sniggering.

Japan would rather not face this. He 'lightly' slammed his chopsticks down vertically in his hardly eaten bowl of white rice. The two chopsticks stood there, like incense candles in a pile of ash that can be found in a temple.

Curious faces looked at Japan and he stood up, about to leave when he seemed to remember his manners. "Sorry but I'm not hungry anymore. I humbly thank you Taiwan for the meal. It will be greatly appreciated if you others could generously accept my apology of excuse-" Germany, slightly white-faced, waved Japan off while Italy complained, "We're friends don't be so formal~ I understand, ciao Nihon!" Italy waved his right hand cheerfully and Germany let out a choked "Bye." before Japan nodded and he rushing off.

America looked at Japan's walking body. Damn, he would love to know more about the Morden Japan. He only got a hint of it, but it's okay, he'll think of an idea somehow-

The blue-eyed nation's thoughts were interrupted with a loud groan from Germany and America forgotten what he was thinking about.

 _Anybody want to guess why Germany groaned? *wiggles eyebrows*_


	2. The airport

Tsundere: Where r u everybody is waiting 4 u u know

Japan: I'm so sorry please ask them to wait for a few more minutes

Tsundere: hurry

Japan used his right hand to swipe text his response to England, quickly dragging his purple luggage bag to the meeting point. Spain was taking a break and suggested to all his favourite nations to go on a two-weeks holiday to Hawaii, full of beaches. Japan saw a brown curl which he recognised as Romano's over the huge waves of human crowd and quickly scurried to that area, all the while pushing against the people and saying, "Sorry, excuse me!"

He finally reached the group and was met with a scowling England crossing his arms. America, Spain, Romano, Italy, Germany, France and Hungary was there too.

"About time you came." England's scowl grew deeper. Japan apologised and bowed his head. He could hear Romano complaining why the "potato bastard" is in the group too and other similar things to Spain. He also noticed that no one was making a move to leave yet. Japan was about to open his mouth to ask the reason why when he heard a loud, "KESESESESE SORRY NOT SORRY AT ALL FOR MAKING YOU GUYS WAIT BUT HEY! THE AWESOME PRUSSIA IS HERE. THE BAD TRIO IS NOW COMPLETE. LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!"

Japan inwardly cringed at Prussia's loud voice. Romano gave the crimson-eyed nation a glare and said, "About time you came." Japan melted. Ahh, tsunderes. It makes everything more interesting. Like the meeting with England and France that one time (yes Taiwan had placed the hidden cameras inside the meeting room). Not to mention that Romano's blush around Spain have increased by 120% compared to around other nations (according to a survey done by Hungary and a very very reluctant Austria).

Hungary was holding her usual camera and nudged Japan. He gave her a confused look until she gave the island nation a secret wink. Japan smiled, ah she was about to do something. Hungary gave Japan her camera. The Fujoshi nation started running and let out a "Oops!" and she bumped into Romano. Romano yelped and flailed his arms around before landing into Spain's chest.

Spain's arms wrapped around Romano loosely and asked with a voice full of concern, "Lovi are you okay? Did you get hurt?" Romano pushed off himself and grumbled, "Stop worrying over small things you bastard. Besides, why is Hungary here anyway. We aren't that close to her!" Hungary, the topic of Romano's question, was feasting her eyes on Romano's blush that Japan of course was taking pictures of. Hungary smiled, "Oh it's because Hawaii is my friend and I've been there many times so I can help to show you around! Also, Spain is close to Prussia and he's close to me~"Hungary gave Romano a wink and Romano folded his arms before turning away.

Romano placed his tanned hands inside his Jean pockets with a grumpy frown. While Spain was trying to persuade Romano to not be so negative ("Think of all the sand there'll be!" "Shut up."), Hungary rushed to Japan. She quietly asked, "You got the goods?" Japan showed the golden pictures to her. She squealed at one particular picture where Romano was blushing as Spain looks like he's hugging him. Aww it looked like Romano had confessed his love to Spain.

Spain clapped his hands, trying to gather the nations' attention. "Since everyone is here, please follow me as we are going to gate number 21, I trust that everybody have read the email I've sent you but if you've forgotten, it's a 17 hours flight. Let's go!"

France and England almost immediately striked up a conversation, or an argument. Depends on how close you are to them and how used to the couple you are. Italy was waving his two arms around while riding on Germany's back while Germany used both his arms to pull the luggage. That means that

1\. Germany is strong enough that he can use his back strength solely to carry Italy.

2\. Italy have really impressive leg muscle strength.

3\. Japan is a bit weird and stalker-ish to even notice all of this.

Japan was calculating exactly how strong Italy's leg muscles are (because that's totally a normal thing that everybody in Japan does), when someone grabbed his shoulders and yelled, "Hi!" The brown-eyed nation let out a small yelp and jumped a little. America stepped back, laughing. "You seem really deep in thought, mind telling me what you're thinking?"

America's eyes were twinkling so brightly and Japan was drawn to it. Once, when Japan was much younger and new to the world, he asked China why the stars disappeared in the daytime. China rested his arm on Japan's head (China now gladly can't do that as Japan grew taller) and said that the stars were actually still in the sky, but the sun is so bright that the stars were outshined. Japan then eagerly told China that one day he wanted to see stars in the blue afternoon sky.

Japan was still drinking in the sight of wonders contained inside America's eyes when America let out a nervous chuckle and waved his arm in front of Japan's face, breaking the Asian nation off his intense stare.

Japan stared at America blankly before remembering his question. He started stuttering, " Um, uh, Italy... and legs with, ah, Germany, piggy back, strong and… muscle… math with… angles…?"

Now it was America's turn to stare at Japan blankly. America scratched his head. "So you're thinking about Germany and Italy eating pig's backs and legs. Also how strong both meat muscle is with math stuff?"

America kept staring at Japan. Man, is something wrong with Japan? His thoughts are weird. Just then, that female nation Hungary caught up to Japan and stage-whispered excitedly, "I got the results for #23!" Brown eyes widened immediately and Japan glanced at America before pushing the amber-eyed nation forward and America was left alone. The independent nation could still see Japan conversing with Hungary in a whispered conversation with each other. Hmm… wonder what are they so keen about.

 _Sorry I know this chapter sucks the whole story probably sucks but just bear with it fellow 2018 Hetalians._


	3. Caught off guard

Japan stared at the phone screen Hungary was holding. The test results were back. Exactly 3569 fangirls have taken the quiz of "Which ship with America do you like the most?". Hungary was squealing and Japan rubbed his ringing ears as one particular high-pitched small scream stood out. Hungary was now shaking Japan non-stop and Japan resisted the urge to brush her away. She had again broken his personal bubble rule. "Check the top 10 ships with America! Check it check it!" Japan looked with half-hearted exasperation at Hungary and she got the message, quickly letting go of his shoulders mumbling, "Sorry, forgot about your personal space."

Japan scrolled up until the top 10 names of countries they shipped with Japan appeared. The screen glowed with too much brightness as Japan commented, "… Wow. The fangirls are more sadistic than we thought. Russia x America made it to 7th place. Hmm… America and Canada was placed 5th place. Apparently twincest is _almost_ wincest. Interesting indeed... YES USUK IS THE SECOND SHIP!" Japan's cheeks reddened immediately looked around after his outburst, which may or may not included him jumping up with a fist in the air. Good, it seems like no one noticed. The female fujoshi nation's fingers slowly went closer and closer to Japan's shoulders, as if itching to touch them, the owner of those fingers all the while whispering, "Look at the 1st ship, look at the 1st ship~~"

Japan wondered why Hungary was that excited. Not that she wasn't like this all the time, it's just that her eyes were sparkling way more and her hair is becoming messy with all the jumping, making Japan slightly suspicious. His brown eyes scanned the top ship before widening and promptly began choking on his saliva, his walking pace getting disrupted because of it. The phone slipped out of his hand and clattered when it fell on the airport floor.

The nations stopped walking at Japan's loud coughing fit. Not that Japan took their reaction to much of a notice. He was way too astonished to focus on that. Ameripan was the selected ship. Not only that, it beat usuk with an astounding **69** votes. Is it just him or is everything related to something dirty? But… but why would people choose America x Japan over others? UsUk isn't that bad, even though he knew in real life they would never have romantic feelings for each other. And America didn't interact with Japan as much as others too. These thoughts swirled in his mind like a raging ocean, the waves getting larger and larger. And he could feel the UsUk ship slowly sinking in the storm, as the Ameripan ship is slowly rising, like those ridiculous "horror" American movies America forced Japan to watch with him, like that ghost ship from the bottom of the ocean making it's way to the top.

Japan stared at the white marble airport floor, panting. And he nearly fell over when he felt a sudden loud pat hit him hard on his back. "Ouch, that hurts." He complained as he turned around to know who had the decency the hit him at such a vulnerable moment.

Bad choice. America was there, grinning with his famous grin with shiny teeth that had once almost blinded Austria when Austria talked to America in Austria's garden with the late morning sunlight. How Japan even knew America was talking to Austria is a secret that he would rather not to let anyone know. And why a video of "America and Austria moments" appearing on YouTube anonymously at the same day was merely a coincidence. Ahahaha… haha... ha...(it's not a coincidence).

"Dude! You totally have your head in the clouds today. You keep blanking out and we can't have that when we're about to travel. I'll help you, I'm the hero!" And America flashed another perfect grin, and that was all the warning Japan got before he was hauled over the 3rd largest country's back like a rice sack. "H-Hey! Put me down!" Japan protested weakly as he tried to pound on America's back, not liking the stares he got from the people around him. His protests went on deaf ears as America merely laughed and continued carrying Japan with renewed energy.

Japan looked at Hungary pleadingly. That fangirl nation also thought it was a good idea to abandon Japan's dignity for her sadistic entertainment. Well, she's not bad but still! Hungary gave a very wide smile. "I volunteer to pull Japan's luggage bag!" And off she went to busy herself with doing that very task. Nevermind, Japan was right the first time. She's a sadist that lives off these kinds of things, she probably consumes the cries of… differing video she likes to watch for breakfast everyday.

Japan let out a long sigh and relaxed his body a little against America's broad shoulders. It seemed like today has yet again failed him, this is going to be a long long day. And he's definitely not looking foward to it at all.

 _HEY GUYS I'M BACK I GOT INSPIRATION TO WRITE THIS AFTER MY FRIEND READ IT AND SAID SHE LIKED IT. WHOOOOP~_


End file.
